Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
