it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
