If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
