wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
