She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
