...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
