She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize