using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Randomize
