she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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