you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
