okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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