Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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