Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
