the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize