you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Who died my cat blue again?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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