her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
