evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
