I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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