Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
