i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
