You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
