D3 body, D1 cock
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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