morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
