My friends, they love my intelligence
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
