thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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