Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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