Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
