Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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