Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
