I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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