But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
