i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
