you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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