cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
