After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
