someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
