Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I deserve this hangover.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
