Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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