I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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