im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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