The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
