once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
