Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
