I have demons in me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
