I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
