dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
