They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
