I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
