You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
