please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
