loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
