Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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