whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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