The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
