So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
