I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
