New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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