Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize