Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
