I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
