i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
