I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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