Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
