I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
