There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
