what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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