but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
