I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
