My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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