if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
