Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
