I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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