I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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