what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
