ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
