Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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